As a person with anxiety, I don’t like talking to people. I don’t like being in groups (which is sometimes manadatory in college classes). I just generally don’t like people. Because of this, I spend most of the time, when I’m in public places, just watching. As I’m watching, I remind myself not to judge people. The mom, who has three screaming kids at Target, who all want toys/candy/a laptop, and I realize that could be me. That HAS been me (which is why I do most of my shopping when I don’t have my kids.) I see the old couple who still hold hands. I know that this isn’t in my future. And I’m okay with that.
Living with my anxiety, knowing what I know now, I like being alone. I like standing on the sidelines, just watching, not participating. As a child, I longed to feel like I belonged – to feel needed. But now, I’m okay with just being an observer.